GatorsTrump: Farewell Address
Guest Autor: @GatorsTrump
Thank You, and Hello to GATOR NATION! It’s your favorite Gator President (me), back again after another exciting season. I am still working (very hard) to fight the Corruption from the Fake News Media, the Crooked NCAA, and the Rigged Heisman Trophy voting. With all our rivals struggling hard, we are the best team in the State of Florida (by far) and fast approaching the best team in, perhaps, the entire country.
The Fake News Media has spent every second since I took office trying to slow down our progress and stop our Winning. First, they all claimed that Dan Mullen was not a good coach (wrong), then that Kyle Trask was inept (wrong). Now, after 3 straight seasons of Tremendous Improvement, the Fake News reports that Dan is “too good” for the Gators, and may jump to the NFL (won’t happen). Fake News also says that Chokin’ Kirby Smart is better than Dan, but no one else seems to want Chokin’ Kirby as their coach – it all just doesn’t add up. Maybe he should learn to cover a wheel route and try again next year. The corrupt sports media is out of control – for the truth, make sure to listen to Stadium and Gale (ratings up BIG)!
We are also currently working very hard on overturning the Heisman Trophy results. When polling closed, Kyle Trask was up BIG. Then, the lead shrank as surprise ballot dumps from Alabama, Tallahassee, and Athens poured in overnight, almost all fraudulent.
We are finding many cases of fraud, and have claimed hundreds more First Place Votes for Kyle Trask, swinging the Heisman results in our favor. I am in intense talks now with Scott Stricklin and the NCAA to STOP THE STEAL, and the Trask statue on Gale Lemerand Drive will be constructed soon – Thank You!
My final work in Gainesville has been to FIRE Filing Secondary Coaches Ron English and Torian Grey, who produced what is perhaps the WORST PASSING DEFENSE that College Football has ever seen. They will be replaced by Wesley McGriff, who knows far more about Coverages, Development, and Discipline than any of our loser coaches who have been fired. We will make sure that no more opponents can easily throw on us, and no more shoes are thrown by us – DBU is BACK in 2021!
As my time as the POTUF draws to a close, I have no doubt that the University and Sports programs will continue to flourish from my Tremendous Leadership (even though Fake News will give me no credit). I have set the University of Florida up for major successes in the upcoming years, and I have no doubt that we will continue to win unless the new administration is as bad as the one before me. Only one way to ensure more winning, folks – Gators Trump 2024! Thank you and Go Gators!
On a more serious note, I would like to thank everyone who has enjoyed this account over the last few years. I started it with an idea from a buddy as a joke, and never thought it would grow into what it is today. I made a few goofy tweets about how bad Willie Taggart was, logged out, and came back to my account blown up with hundreds of likes and followers. I had so many people saying that it was funny or spot on, so I just kept it up. Thanks to everyone who interacted with me (even the Haters and Losers) for making it so enjoyable. I hope that I was able to take one of the most divisive issues we have today and add some humor to it. With all the hostility in politics, it was great to see people with all sorts of political leanings put aside their beliefs, laugh at the wild shit I tweeted and cheer for the greatest University in the country. Go Gators!
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